Why This Book?

These are different times than the world has ever known. Why would teenage boys concoct elaborate plans to kill and injure as many of their schoolmates and teachers as possible? Why would terrorists decide to overtake planes to wreak havoc like never before? Why would a gifted athlete display questionable morals in front of impressionable fans? Why would a man hit his wife? Why would a father ignore his child? Why would a dad choose not to spend time with his daughter? Why would a father think he shows weakness if his son sees him cry?
As I witness the events and stories that shape our lives today I am challenged by the daunting task of desperately wanting things to change. But in light of the staggering size of some of the problems in our world, I wonder what I can do to make a significant difference. In our media driven society, we are constantly bombarded with the terrible events that happen around the world.
Yet, the positive happenings seem to garner so little attention. It is in this uncertain environment that I rely on my faith and belief in the good in people to bring about a change for the better. Although there are a lot of bad things that happen in the world, there are ten times as many wonderful things going on. Unfortunately, the positive examples are not widely available to us, and more importantly they are not being seen by children who can benefit from them.
Giving up is not something I was taught to do. If you are reading this book, I know that you are built the same way. I live a couple miles from Columbine High School. Shortly after that terrible event, I was on a back packing trip with some friends and we were asking the question, “Could anything have been done to change the course of events that brought about the tragedy at Columbine?” From our conversation, we concluded that our society lacks examples of men demonstrating what it really means to be a man.
We are not providing the example that our kids so desperately need. We are not actively involved with helping the next generation of children learn to make good choices. We are not guiding them in ways that will allow them in turn to change things for the better. Call it a revelation, an epiphany, whatever you want, in my opinion, the single most important thing that I and any man can do to make the world a better place is to affect a child in a positive way. It is by example that we can bring about a monumental shift in the tide. The act of doing something for a young person yet expecting nothing in return is a powerful thing. This is true because the benefactor of this positive influence can in turn impact the future in ways that we may never fathom.
So how do we live our lives in a way that brings about these opportunities for impact? What specific actions, decisions, commitments and sacrifices must we make in our daily routine to initiate this powerful movement? I asked myself this question, and the pages that follow are part of my answer.
So that the buck stops here, let me be the first example of someone who should do more. In general, I think that I am a good guy by today’s standards. I mean I am a loyal husband, a good father, a volunteer coach, a Sunday school teacher, etc. But when I challenge myself with the question, “Is there more that I can do to make the world a better place?”, I realize there is.
Throughout my life I have been affected by the influence of a number of strong mentors and positive role models. Incidentally, as you will find in the pages that follow, you do not have to give birth to a child to have a profound influence on them. From my high school wrestling coach, I learned not only how to compete but more importantly, how to be a man that can give of himself to others. I witnessed the step father of a friend of mine adopt three young boys and selflessly care for them during the time their mother was dying of a brain tumor. I have seen the power that one man can have, as I have watched the phenomenal accomplishments of my father-in-law even though his own father committed suicide when he was young.
During my life, many people affected me in positive ways and I have made an effort to be a student of their example. I paid close attention and observed how certain individuals I admire influence others around them. I saw men who made being a good father and role model a priority in their lives. I recall how certain individuals simply offered a compliment that impacted my self confidence and over time allowed me to feel important in ways they may never know. The cumulative impact of the actions, words and deeds of others upon me made me realize how powerful one individual’s intervention in a young person’s life can be.
In the pages that follow, I have assembled stories about amazing people and how they have had a positive influence on others. I have attempted to relay their examples and provide ideas about how you and I can be positive role models and mentors for the next generation.
These are not my stories; they are recollections of deeds that others have done. I believe these examples will offer insight into techniques that you can use when working with children and young people. I am hopeful this book will be read by women and men alike, but I am primarily directing my comments toward men who need to step up to the plate and make a difference in the lives of kids. It is time that we men accept the responsibility and be accountable for the legacy we will leave.
As I have come to learn, there are many men that have not had the benefit of positive role models and examples in their lives; by sharing this information, I am confident that collectively we can take the steps necessary to change the future.
History has demonstrated time and time again; one person can single-handedly change the world. By engaging an army of individuals who are committed to making a difference in the lives of others, we are sure to bring about revolutionary change.
The positive influence that you provide to a child may be the impetus that leads them to greatness or alternatively keeps them from heading in the wrong direction. Some of the stories in this book demonstrate this sort of powerful impact. I recently read a quote by Patrick Stewart that sums it up greatly,
“It is what you do from now on that will either move our civilization forward a few tiny steps, or else… begin to march us steadily backward.”
So, there it is. That is what this book is about. Men taking a more active role in children’s lives and behaving like men should. Men providing a positive example for others to hold up and admire about what it really means to be a man. This book is also a challenge to all men, including me, to be accountable for their actions.
I do not have my doctorate in childhood education. Nor do I claim that I am infallible. As a matter of fact, I humbly approach this topic considering that I have yet to experience all the joys and challenges that raising kids has to offer. I am just a regular guy who has decided it is time that someone speak openly about just how important it is to be a dad, a mentor, a positive role model and a man in our society.
In substantiating my expertise in this area though, let me offer an idea. Have you ever wondered exactly what was going through an athlete’s mind while they were in the middle of an event? Consider a marathon runner. What is he focused on at mile 15? Is it putting one foot in front of the other? Is it the need to pass the runner right in front of him? After the race is over, if you asked what he was thinking about at mile 15, he might have some recollection, but the exact thoughts have most likely already slipped from his mind.
Like the marathon runner in the middle of the race, my expertise comes from the fact that I am not 55 years old reflecting back on what it was like to be a Dad in the 2000’s. I am in it now. I see what is happening with parents and kids today because I am surrounded by friends, peers and others who are all facing parenting in this very different day and age. I am in the middle of it. By analyzing the things I see occurring with kids and the men that influence them, I believe I have a great deal of clarity about what is really going on.
We live in a different world than I knew as a child. Kids see much more and much sooner than I can remember. The world comes at them through the television, the internet and even in the checkout aisle at the grocery store. As a parent today, it is a constant struggle to help kids understand and navigate through the steady stream of undesirable exposure. Often it seems, some of the worst the world has to offer is so “in your face” it is hard to avoid.
It is in this environment, that the role of a mentor or parent is more critical than ever. I believe it is imperative that we men take a stand and demonstrate the difference between right and wrong. So if you are a professional athlete who can impact millions, a coach who is directly affecting impressionable individuals, or a father figure to a neighbor kid, do your part.
This book is not a technical resource guide. Rather it is a collection of stories and ideas. You will find that some things fit. My hope is that you identify something that improves the way you parent or influence kids around you. Being a great dad or role model in my mind is the single most important thing that we men can do to make our world a better place. For it is in the hands of future generations that we place our hopes and dreams. So let’s do this. Let’s rise to the occasion, and go off on this journey with open hearts and minds to make a difference!

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